Advice · Settling in
Helping a loved one settle into a care home
Moving into a care home is a huge emotional step — for the person moving, and for the family. It’s normal to feel guilt, worry and relief all at once. The good news is that the move itself is usually the hardest part, and it’s temporary. With a little preparation and patience, most people settle far better than families fear. Here’s how to help.
Before the move
Involve your loved one as much as you can. Even small choices — which photos to bring, what to put where — help someone feel a sense of control at an unsettling time.
Personalise the room in advance if the home allows. Walking into a space that already has familiar things in it is far gentler than arriving to a blank room.
Share what matters with the team. Tell staff about routines, likes and dislikes, life history, how your relative takes their tea, what calms them and what unsettles them. Good homes build care around the person — but only if they know them.
What to bring
- Photographs and a few treasured ornaments
- Familiar bedding, a favourite chair or blanket
- Clothes (clearly labelled), and comfortable shoes
- Books, music, a radio, or anything tied to a hobby
- Toiletries and anything that’s part of a daily routine
Keep valuables to a minimum, and label everything.
The first day
Keep moving day calm and unhurried. Help unpack and arrange the room together, meet a few staff members, and then keep the first goodbye short and warm. Drawn-out farewells tend to make things harder for everyone. It’s okay to feel emotional — and okay to reassure them you’ll be back soon, then go.
The first few weeks
This is the settling-in period, and a few wobbles are completely normal — for them and for you.
- Keep visits steady and predictable, and ask the team what pattern seems to help your relative most.
- Stay in touch with staff. They’ll tell you how your loved one is doing between visits, and you’ll learn what’s working.
- Give it time. Many people begin to feel at home within four to six weeks, even if the first days are tearful.
- Look after yourself, too. Guilt is common and rarely deserved — choosing good care is an act of love.
When it’s harder
If your loved one has dementia, settling can take longer and look different — repetition, asking to “go home”, or low mood are common. Our guide to supporting a loved one with dementia has practical help, and the home’s team will be experienced in exactly this.
If, after a fair while, things really aren’t working, talk openly with the home. A good home wants the same thing you do — for your relative to be happy and settled.
Every BIRA home is built to feel like a real home, with open visiting so family stays part of daily life. If you’d like to talk through a move, get in touch — we’re here to help it go smoothly.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to settle into a care home?
Everyone is different, but many people begin to settle within four to six weeks. The first couple of weeks are usually the hardest. Familiar belongings, regular visits and a settled routine all help — and the home's team will support the transition.
Should I visit a lot at the start, or give them space?
There's no single right answer, and it helps to ask the home's team what they've seen work for your relative. Some people settle faster with steady, predictable visits; for others, a short settling-in period helps them bond with staff. Either way, keep goodbyes calm and brief.
What should I bring to make a care home room feel like home?
Photographs, a favourite chair or blanket, familiar bedding, treasured ornaments, books, music, and anything tied to hobbies or happy memories. Small, personal touches make the biggest difference.
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